


backspace

by dosmilkshake



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Humor, Chinguline (EXO), M/M, Texting, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-03-21 09:03:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13737561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dosmilkshake/pseuds/dosmilkshake
Summary: A chaotic text fic where Tao and Sehun search for a sugar daddy, Joonmyun is bitter 24/7, Luhan just wants to be loved, and Kyungsoo can't decide which member of the beagle line he dislikes more.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Papi_Seok: I’m living for this bitterness  
> flute master: I’m living for you  
> Papi_Seok: goodbye  
> flute master: come back

7:20

_1 message!_

[Group chat: 12 members]

 **BAEKBOIZ** : we out here boiz

 **kyungsoo** : it’s the first day of school

 **JDrizzle** : JUNIOR YEAR BABYYY

 **BAEKBOIZ** : YEA BOIZ

 **JDrizzle** : time for more hoes and time for more bros

 **BAEKBOIZ** : YEAAA BOIZZZZZZ

 **kyungsoo** : no

 **Chanrolling** : done and done. soo is my future hoe and my bro so I made my schedule match his

 **kyungsoo** : you said it was a coincidence

 **Chanrolling** : heh. well

 **Chanrolling** : sehun, I’m otw.

 **seahoon** : I’m not ready. tao is dying my hair.

 **jongnog** : school starts in thirty minutes.

 **seahoon** : I am aware. I bleached it last night.

 **jongnog** : I- okay

 **Bakedzitao** : it looks so good. Y’all will be begging me to do your hair

 **JDrizzle** : unlikely

 **Chanrolling** : beauty school dropout~ go back to high school

 **Bakedzitao** : stfu. I’m amazing

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I wouldn’t trust sehun’s Yelp review

 **seahoon** : that’s rude bitch. I wouldn’t trust you around my gorgeous locks.

 **Bakedzitao** : especially after Regret of 2k17

 **BAEKBOIZ** : WE SwORe TO neVEr MeNTioN ThAT aGAiN!!!

 **JDrizzle** : LMAO HAHAHAH my favorite baek era.

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I’m getting new friends this year

 **kyungsoo** : thank god.

 **BAEKBOIZ** : except you soo~ you’re the only one I trust

 **JDrizzle** : WOW

 **Chanrolling** : you are my sooshine, my only sooshine, you make me happy when skies are grey

 **Chanrolling** : btw sehun, I’m at your house

 **seahoon** : coming with tao

 **BAEKBOIZ** : jongdae, no one trusts you

 **MoonJyun** : remember that one time I asked him to care for my goldfish

 **Jongnog** : rest in peace Hugh Jackman, may his soul be filled with joy in the big pond above

 **JDrizzle** : i said i was SOrRy

 **BAEKBOIZ** : MURDERER

 **MoonJyun** : you can’t apologize enough for the life that was taken

 **long** **ass** **bitch** : you really shouldn’t personify animals

 **long** **ass** **bitch** : it’s not an attractive trait watching a grown man sobbing over an empty bowl of water

 **MoonJyun** : IM SENSITIVE RN YIFAN DON’T TRY ME

 **seahoon** : really bad timing dude

 **Bakedzitao** : not cool man

 **long ass bitch** : it was half a year ago!

 **MoonJyun** : NOT SOON ENOUGH DICK

 **kyungsoo** : yes Joonmyun, draw blood

 **BAEKBOIZ** : wow soo, totally forgot you were here

 **kyungsoo** : watch your back byun

 **BAEKBOIZ** : <3<3<3 and see this sweet ass

 **Yeetxing** : there are a lot of negative feelings rn, it’s not good for my aura.

 **BAEKBOIZ** : Yixing my love, how was China? I miss you man. What’s your schedule? I hope we have some classes together.

 **JDrizzle** : wow, needy much

 **Chanrolling** : as if you don’t do the same thing with Minseok.

 **yeetxing** : it’s true. Minseok, Luhan, and I discuss it at least once a week.

 **kyungsoo** : Chanyeol, do not drive and text.

 **JDrizzle** : really? Minseok talks about me?

 **seahoon** : that’s cute

 **seahoon** : Tao was texting for him

 **Chanrolling** : I’m parked!

 **JDrizzle** : I’m not sure how to take that

 **kyungsoo** : he’s mocking you

 **JDrizzle** : right, soo, thanks. Got it.

 **yeetxing** : I miss u too Baekhyun

 **BAEKBOIZ** : o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

 

 

12:31

 **flute master** : I know I probably shouldn’t ask…

 **flute master** : but why is baek sitting by himself

 **yeetxing** : who harmed my child?

 **JDrizzle** : um

 **long ass bitch** : don’t you dare dae

 **JDrizzle** : about that

 **long ass bitch** : remember our deal

 **yeetxing** : who?

 **JDrizzle** : yeah, but we didn’t discuss if Yixing was gonna castrate me

 **long ass bitch** : it was in section 4 clause d!!

 **JDrizzle** : I’m very fond of my penis

 **seahoon** : gross

 **JDrizzle** : not gross!! The human body is a beautiful thing!

 **yeetxing** : WHO!?!?!?

 **JDrizzle** : I’m sorry

 **JDrizzle** : it was Yifan

 **long ass bitch** : fuck you man.

 **Papi_Seok** : I can hear Yifan screaming down the hall from the men’s bathroom

 **Papi_Seok** : it’s a good day

 **flute master** : so what did he do?

 **flute master** : he won’t tell me

 **JDrizzle** : yifan told soo that baek told him that he thinks soo looks cute today

 **JDrizzle** : so now soo isn’t talking to baek

 **BAEKBOIZ** : he hates me

 **jongnog** : i seriously doubt that’s it

 **BAEKBOIZ** : my life is over

 **flute master** : well now you are just being dramatic

 **BAEKBOIZ** : he’ll never love me

 **BAEKBOIZ** : it’s a cold world without his sooshine face

 **Chanrolling** : ^^^ it’s catching on

 **MoonJyun** : shut up\

 **MoonJyun** : soo and I are in a student council meeting, that’s why he’s not responding

 **Papi_Seok** : then why are you responding?

 **MoonJyun** : bc I’m the president and I can ignore soo’s proposal budget

 **yeetxing** : don’t ignore my son’s hard work!

 **MoonJyun** : he already told me about it -_-

 **BAEKBOIZ** : wait, xing. I though I was your son

 **yeetxing** : you are, everyone younger than me are all my sons

 **seahoon** : I feel loved

 **Bakedzitao** : cherished

 **seahoon** : will you help me with my hw dad?

 **Bakedzitao** : can you feed me dad? my hands are cramped from writing notes

 **yeetxing** : disowned

 **seahoon** : smh

 **seahoon** : y’all a bunch of fakers

 **Bakedzitao** : yifan, will you get me pudding? I forgot to grab it.

 **long ass bitch** : sure

 **seahoon** : wait

 **Bakedzitao** : ;) yes

 **Papi_Seok** : what is going on?

 **seahoon** : the birth of a new era, my friend

 **jongnog** : contain yourself

 **Bakedzitao** : ಸ‿ಸ

 **long ass bitch** : what

 

 

 

11:17

_7 unread messages_

[Private chat: 2 members]

 **BAEKBOIZ** : soo, I’m sorry

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I didn’t mean it

 **BAEKBOIZ** : you just look really good today

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I meant it more to myself but Yifan overheard

 **BAEKBOIZ** : pls talk to me

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I’m really really really sorry ಥ╭╮ಥ

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I’ll stop bothering u

 

12:51

 **kyungsoo** : oh my god baek, chill

 **kyungsoo** : I’m not mad at you

 **kyungsoo** : kinda weirded out you talk to yourself

 **kyungsoo** : but yeah…i'm not mad

 **BAEKBOIZ** : REALLY??! you love me again?!JKDHSAJh

 **kyungsoo** : don’t push it

 **BAEKBOIZ** : right.

 **BAEKBOIZ** : so

 **BAEKBOIZ** : does that mean i can say you’re cute

 **kyungsoo** : i never said that

 **BAEKBOIZ** : do you like it when I call you cute?

 **kyungsoo** : I don’t see how that’s relevant

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I think you do

 **BAEKBOIZ** : but since you like to be all mysterious

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I’ll just pretend you don’t

 **BAEKBOIZ** : just remember that I think you are cute

 **kyungsoo** : pls stop

 **kyungsoo** : but thanks

 **BAEKBOIZ** : （´・｀ ）♡

 

 

 

4:06

_6 new messages!_

[Group chat: 12 members]

 **MoonJyun** : so how did everyone’s first day go?

 **seahoon** : thanks for asking mom

 **MoonJyun** : don’t be a brat.

 **Chanrolling** : Mine was great! Soo only told me to shut up nine times. And the vending machine was broke so I got a multiple bags of chips when I only paid for one!

 **MoonJyun** : did you return the chips? did you tell someone the machine was broken?

 **Chanrolling** : nope!

 **MoonJyun** : I am disappointed in you

 **BAEKBOIZ** : STEALER!

 **BAEKBOIZ** : just a bunch of criminals in this gc

 **BAEKBOIZ** : I’m disgusted

 **JDrizzle** : like you haven’t done something wrong

 **BAEKBOIZ** : the only thing I did wrong was steal Kim Taeyeon’s heart

 **Bakedzitao** : smh

 **Bakedzitao** : as if you could get 2-a’s class president to even look at you

 **BAEKBOIZ** : she does!!!!! we even kissed!!!!

 **seahoon** : just when you think it can’t get more pathetic

 **Bakedzitao** : it does

 **long ass bitch** : well, my ribs are bruised

 **MoonJyun** : no one asked

 **MoonJyun** : you also deserve it

 **long ass bitch** : you asked the gc

 **long ass bitch** : I’m in the gc you know

 **MoonJyun** : my phone keeps notifying me that I have a message, but like, I don’t see anything

 **long ass bitch** : cold

 **Papi_Seok** : I’m living for this bitterness

 **flute master** : I’m living for you

 **Papi_Seok** : goodbye

 **flute master** : come back

 **Chanrolling** : *whispers* i love you

 **kyungsoo** : my day was actually…not that bad. my proposal got approved, chanyeol hasn’t broken my glasses yet, Jongdae didn’t fill my ‘daily quota of affection’ today. I am, for once, optimistic

 **yeetxing** : wow soo! I’m so happy for you. your aura is glowing today

 **kyungsoo** : thanks, xing.

 **seahoon** : my acne has cleared

 **Bakedzitao** : the birds are chirping

 **jongnog** : I think I can fly

 **JDrizzle** : extra hugs 4 you tmw soo

 **kyungsoo** : no

 **MoonJyun** : I think this will be a good year

 **JDrizzle** : YEAA BOIZ

 **BAEKBOIZ** : YEAAAAABOIIIZZZZZ

 **MoonJyun** : oh god.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seahoon: *sigh*  
> MoonJyun: don’t get an attitude with me  
> seahoon: tell me I am cute first

Wednesday, 1:30pm

_1 message!_

[Group chat: 12 members]

**MoonJyun** : Here ye, here ye. Listen well peasants (except Yixing)

**yeetxing** : :)

**kyungsoo** : unnecessary, but okay.

**kyungsoo** : Friday, from 3:30-7:30, we will have a carnival. If you consider me your friend, I expect you to go since I have put more effort into it than I normally would.

**seahoon** : the question is, do you consider us friends?

**kyungsoo** : as I have told Chanyeol multiple times, I would not talk to you if I did not like you

**BAEKBOIZ** : awwwww, soo, you love me?

**kyungsoo** : I tolerate you at most.

**JDrizzle** : it’s love.

**Bakedzitao** : will there be a farris wheel?

**chanrolling** : I want to win one of the giant plushies at those arcade games

**BAEKBOIZ** : I’m gonna need a date

**chanrolling** : why would you need that

**JDrizzle** : pvvvv like anyone would date you

**BAEKBOIZ** : it’s lame to show up to an event where everyone will see me alone

**BAEKBOIZ** : my reputation as a stud would be ruined

**BAEKBOIZ** : hence a date

**chanrolling** : oh

**chanrolling** : Dae, wanna be my date

**JDrizzle** : I am honored

**JDrizzle** : BRODATE

**Chanrolling** : <3

**MoonJyun** : guys, I don’t think you understand

**kyungsoo** : no, Joonmyun.

**kyungsoo** : you should all expect the best :)

**long ass bitch** : an emoji?

**flute** **master** : I don’t trust that

**Bakedzitao** : I love carnivals. There better not be clowns. I hate clowns.

**flute master** : don’t hate your own kind, that’s racist

**kyungsoo** : no clowns.

**yeetxing** : I really like bobbing for apples. I can hold my breath for two minutes.

**BAEKBOIZ** : I went into the fun house and scared jongdae

**JDrizzle** : it was a horror house and Baekhyun cried the whole time

**BAEKBOIZ** : he lies, don’t listen to him

**flute master** : I saw the videos, Baekhyun had snot running down his face

**flute master** : not cute

**seahoon** : COTTON CANDY

**kyungsoo** : I’m so glad you are excited for this event.

 

 

Friday, 3:32

**Bakedzitao** : this is the upmost betrayal

**seahoon** : smh do not come to the carnival

**chanrolling** : it’s not…that bad

**BAEKBOIZ** : you’re only saying that because soo actually waved at you and didn’t pretend like you didn’t exist

**seahoon** : it’s not even a carnival

**seahoon** : those who have lied against me has lied against the gods

**seahoon** : eternal punishment is waiting

**JDrizzle** : I expected spinning teacups and instead I get stabbed in the back

**jongnog** : it’s amazing! I love it!

**jongnog** : so many books, so little money

**flute master** : can’t relate

**BAEKBOIZ** : I haven’t even touched a book in three years until now

**BAEKBOIZ** : thanks a lot

**BAEKBOIZ** : my goal was five years

**Papi_Seok** : you don’t use your books for classes?

**BAEKBOIZ** : we have books?

**Papi_Seok** : I don’t know why I even try

**kyungsoo** : I don’t know why you are complaining

**kyungsoo** : I never specified what kind of carnival

**kyungsoo** : If you paid attention to the posters, you would have known

**long ass bitch** : this is why I didn’t trust you

**long ass bitch** : but since I’m educated unlike some people, I enjoy this opportunity to expand my library

**MoonJyun** : who you tryna call out Yifan

**MoonJyun** : better not be me bitch

**long ass bitch** : you stole all my comics after we broke up

**long ass bitch** : had to find a new source of entertainment

**long ass bitch** : turns out non fiction about birds is wild

**long ass bitch** : ever follow the life of a pelican

**long ass bitch** : they live so peacefully

**Papi_Seok** : is this one of your weird fetishes you keep hinting to?

**flute master** : I swear to you it’s choking

**BEAKBOIZ** : CHOKINGKDFSGH

**seahoon** : hey! you and tao have that in common

**Bakedzitao** : WHAT?! I do not!!!

**seahoon** : is that why you broke up with Joonmyun? because he was too vanilla?

**MoonJyun** : you’re gonna be choking if you don’t shut up sehun

**JDrizzle** : I buy a book and I come back to kink shaming?! NOT ON MY WATCH

**seahoon** : OR did you choke hyung too hard and he broke up with you because he thought you were gonna kill him

**flute master** : both could be very accurate

 

Saturday, 2:11pm

_2 messages!_

[bad bitches + fan: 3 members]

**seahoon** : shopping?

**Bakedzitao** : shopping.

**long ass bitch** : why am I included in this?

**Bakedzitao** : thought it was obv

**Bakedzitao** : you’re style is horrendous

**seahoon** : yesterday, I saw you in the hall and I thought it was grandma Oh from the grave

**long ass bitch** : *your

**Bakedzitao** : suck my ass

**long ass bitch** : gladly

**Bakedzitao** : …

**seahoon** : what

**seahoon** : just

**seahoon** : happened

**long ass bitch** : I-

**long ass bitch** : let’s just go shopping

 

3:47pm

_2 messages!_

[Private chat: 2 members]

[IMG_824] sent

**seahoon** : hyung do I look cute

**MoonJyun** : why is yifan in the background

**seahoon** : …because he’s shopping with us

**MoonJyun** : why?

**seahoon** : *sigh*

**MoonJyun** : don’t get an attitude with me

**seahoon** : tell me I am cute first

**MoonJyun** : you look v good

**seahoon** : I’m blushing

**MoonJyun** : oh my gosh

**MoonJyun** : tell me

**seahoon** : tao is trying to get him to buy us stuff.

**seahoon** : I need a new source of income

**seahoon** : bank yifan is telling me I’m about to be debt free

**MoonJyun** : I can’t believe y’all

**MoonJyun** : But-

**MoonJyun** : wipe him clean

**seahoon** : aye aye captain

**seahoon** : but hyung

**seahoon** : do you still have feelings for him?

**MoonJyun** : ofc not! I was over him the day we broke up

**MoonJyun** : whatever he tells you, it was a amiacable decision

**MoonJyun** : did he mention me?

**seahoon** : no… just wondering

 

Monday, 3:29pm

_6 messages!_

[Group chat: 12 members]

**yeetxing** : hello everyone. I hope everyone is having a good Monday!

**jongnog** : I am now :)

**flute master** : I mean it’s a Monday and you and Minseok had lunch without me to discuss Jongdae like we normally do, but like I’m not bitter or anything

**yeetxing** : sorry

**yeetxing** : Minseok and I needed some silence

**flute** **master** : I can be quiet!

**Papi_Seok** : You chew really loudly

**flute master** : I have a condition!!!

**flute master** : you know this!

**Papi_Seok** : which is exactly why we ate without you

**JDrizzle** : did you still talk about me??

**Papi_Seok** : no, I never talk about you

**flute master** : cold

**Papi_Seok** : I mentioned you once and now Luhan brings it up all the time

**JDrizzle** : oh, okay!

**JDrizzle** : why did you mention me?

**flute master** : blond

**yeetxing** : how hot you looked blond

**JDrizzle** : I knew I gave y’all boners!

**seahoon** : gag. Never say that again

**yeetxing** : I felt it.

**Bakedzitao** : there are minors in this chat

**Bakedzitao** : it’s me. I’m the minor.

**seahoon** : my eyes are actually bleeding

**Bakedzitao** : I threw up a little

**JDrizzle** : OKAY WE GET IT

**JDrizzle** : I’m just glad you can all admit I looked sexy

**yeetxing** : wow this convo really got away from me

**MoonJyun** : ??? what were trying to say

**yeetxing** : um

**yeetxing** : ah, I remember

**flute** **master** : I am in suspense

**yeetxing** : Baekhyun and I are starting a new club!

**kyungsoo** : I am surprised

**BAEKBOIZ** : I know what you’re thinking soo but I really want this year to be different

**long ass bitch** : what is it

**yeetxing** : WEED

**kyungsoo** : I retract that statement

**Papi_Seok** : how did this get approved?

**MoonJyun** : as school president, I have no authority over authorization of inacting clubs

**BAEKBOIZ** : wait! Soo, listen!

**BAEKBOIZ** : it’s not what you think

**BAEKBOIZ** : It’s called WEED because it means We rEally tried

**kyungsoo** : you’re right. All the more better

**flute master** : why not just WE triED?

**BAEKBOIZ** : thank you soo

**yeetxing** : oh

**yeetxing** : Baekhyun, we need to change it

**kyungsoo** : I was joking

**BAEKBOIZ** : I didn’t know you were capable of that

**BAEKBOIZ** : on it, xing

**kyungsoo** : fuck u

**BAEKBOIZ** : back at you dear

**JDrizzle** : genius idea, but why is baek doing the work

**BAEKBOIZ** : bc ya boi has been elected as president

**BAEKBOIZ** : all xing’s idea

**kyungsoo** : how

**BAEKBOIZ** : by majority ofc

**MoonJyun** : which consists of??

**yeetxing** : Baekhyun and I!

**JDrizzle** : if it’’s yixing’s idea, why is he not president

**yeetxing** : I retired. I am the chairman.

**yeetxing** : also we need more members, anyone want to join

**JDrizzle** : I’M IN

**chanrolling** : I will. My mom has been pestering me to get a job, but if I join a club she might not make me

**long ass bitch** : Baekhyun already blackmailed me, so I’m in

**Papi_Seok** : solid no from me

**flute master** : maybe in two years?

**yeetxing** : but we’ll have already graduated

**flute master** : you’re right. oh darn. It’s when I have free time

**seahoon** : I could potentially enjoy watching baekhyun’s demise, I’m in

**Bakedzitao** : me too!

**jongnog** : I guess???

**BAEKBOIZ** : WELCOME LOSERS

**BAEKBOIZ** : soo?

**kyungsoo** : as entertaining as that would be, I’m in school government

**BAEKBOIZ** : you’re only the secretary, it shouldn’t take much time

**BAEKBOIZ** : not like we are gonna do anything except maybe play videogames

**kyungsoo** : I can’t, baek, I’ve got a lot going on besides just school gvt. you wouldn’t understand

**BAEKBOIZ** : right, okay

**yeetxing** : it’s okay, soo! You will be with us in spirit

**kyungsoo** : thanks yixing

**chanrolling** : will we have a meeting?

**BAEKBOIZ** : yeah, soon. I’ll let you know the deets later.


	3. Chapter Three

_2 messages!_

[CHINGU4EVA: 4 members]

 **president of WEED** : Love of my lives

 **JDrizzle** : wind beneath my wings

 **Chanrolling** : My yin to my yang

 **kyungsoo** : y’all can stop

 **chanrolling** : not until you can admit your love for me

 **JDrizzle** : or me!!!

 **kyungsoo** : one gc is enough

 **JDrizzle** : yea but this is the OG gc

 **JDrizzle** : rmb LoL

 **Chanrolling** : OMG!!! THE GOLDEN DAYS

 **president of WEED** : could still be the golden days if y’all play with me

 **JDrizzle** : I’ve moved on to bigger and better things

 **president of WEED** : playing until dawn over and over again until you’re happy with the outcome does not define ‘better’

 **kyungsoo** : I kinda like it

 **president of WEED** : invalid opinion

 **JDrizzle** : :o

 **kyungsoo** : um okay

 **Chanrolling** : so I’m trying to decide which elective I should pick

 **JDrizzle** : you always choose music, why even question

 **Chanrolling** : I should be well versed in all area of the arts

 **Chanrolling** : what are you guys doing?

 **JDrizzle** : choir

 **kyungsoo** : theater

 **president of WEED** : theater

 **Chanrolling** : ^ I didn’t know you guys were in the same class

 **kyungsoo** : baek decided to join this year

 **president of WEED** : I’m actually thinking of changing…

 **kyungsoo** : oh, why?

 **president of WEED** : idk. Not my thing.

 **kyungsoo** : I thought you liked it

 **president of WEED** : it’s alright

 **Chanrolling** : I think I’ll just stick to music

 **Chanrolling** : although art sounds fun

 **Chanrolling** : I could be the next Picasso of finger painting

 **JDrizzle** : LMAO you wish

 **JDrizzle** : you and yifan can collab

 **president of WEED** : that would legit be a disaster

 **Chanrolling** : IT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL

 **kyungsoo** : it would just turn into an ugly gray blob

 **Chanrolling** : it’s my blob and it’s art

 

 

_1 message!_

[DicksbytheDozen: 12 members]

 **Chanrolling** : Who here believes Yifan and I should do an art mural together?

 **sehunisking** : is this a joke

 **kyungsoo** : I wish it was

 **MoonJyun** : Sure, go ahead

 **Chanrolling** : thanks Joonmyun!

 **MoonJyun** : if you are volunteering for endless mocking

 **long ass bitch** : this is support

 **long ass bitch** : quality friendship

 **chairman of WEED** : it is. You need honest people to tell you your weaknesses and strengths so they can fill it.

 **Chanrolling** : somehow I’m inspired despite the hurt I feel inside

 **long ass bitch** : we can do paint therapy together

 **jongnog** : speaking of therapy, when is WEED having a meeting

 **president of WEED** : rn

 **jongnog** : oh, I wasn’t told

 **kyungsoo** : you’re texting during a meeting?

 **president of WEED** : yes. I am the president I can do what I want

 **president of** **WEED** : so don’t even try to nag me

 **president of WEED** : and yixing must’ve forgot to add you to the group message jongin

 **kyungsoo** : I don’t nag

 **president of WEED** : let me pull up the reciepts

 **president of WEED** : March 2nd, 3:17pm, you texted me to tell me to do my paper

 **kyungsoo** : it was due the next day! And knowing you, you’d have forgotten about it

 **president of WEED** : yes, all thanks to kyungsoo I passed, I am just so blessed that you are my friend I thank the heavens everyday

 **jongnog** : I’m not one to step in, but I think I should this time

 **jongnog** : is there something going on

 **jongnog** : btw I’m gonna be late for the meeting

 

 

[therapy with Joon: 3 members]

 **MoonJyun** : what is wrong with baekhyun

 **JDrizzle** : you mean why he is attacking ksoo?

 **Chanrolling** : I tried asking but he started snapping at me too

 **Chanrolling** : we are supossed to be the four amigos

 **JDrizzle** : that isn’t a thing, yeol

 **MoonJyun** : so you’re not going to solve it?

 **JDrizzle** : why should we?

 **MoonJyun** : um bc you’re close friends

 **Chanrolling** : yes bc we don’t interfere when it comes to baekhyun and soo’s friendship

 **JDrizzle** : we tried that two years ago when they were arguing because soo chose theater and not chorus

 **Chanrolling** : they were in chorus together for years

 **JDrizzle** : baek was tenor and soo was alto. I was sapprano

 **Chanrolling** : I was their manager, promoting the seamless blending of voices that would take the world by storm

 **JDrizzle** : Dick’tastic

 **MoonJyun** : what is that?

 **JDrizzle** : our alleged band name

 **JDrizzle** : a unanimous vote prevented it

 **Chanrolling** : soo and I was against it

 **MoonJyun** : can’t imagine why

 **MoonJyun** : well if you’re not going to fix it, I will

 **JDrizzle** : sure let’s see what you can do

 **MoonJyun** : I’m getting yixing to help

 **Chanrolling** : pulling out the big guns

 

 

[Private message: 2 members]

 **MoonJyun** : unicorn, I report grumpy the penguin is entering the room

 **MoonJyun** : do you have sergeant corgi with you?

 **chairman of WEED** : sergeant corgi is reluctant, but he believes he’s getting cake, so I will have to make cake to make up for lying

 **MoonJyun** : he does not suspect anything?

 **chairman of WEED** : not a thing, king

 **chairman of WEED** : sergeant corgi looks betrayed and hurt ater I locked him in the room

 **chairman of WEED** : he is giving me sad puppy eyes. I am weak, king

 **MoonJyun** : stay strong comrade!

 **chairman of WEED** : the subjects are not speaking

 **chairman of WEED** : WAIT

 **chairman of WEED** : grumpy the penguin spoke

 **chairman of WEED** : ‘look I’m sorry bout the club thing. If i didn’t have a lot on my plate rn i would.’

 **chairman of WEED** : I’m spting through the windog, penguin is touching corgi on shoulder

 **chairman of WEED** : ive never seen soo look so sincere

 **chairman of WEED** : ‘why can’t u join?’ corgi sounds so sad

 **MoonJyun** : I’m living for this play by play

 **MoonJyun** : why is baek so upset, it’s just a club man

 **chairman of WEED** : IT IS NOT JUST A CLUB

 **chairman of WEED** : ITS FREEDOM AND FRIENDSHIP

 **chairman of WEED** : plus baek wanted to prove to soo he isn’t going to b as lazy this year

 **chairman of WEED** : SMTH is happening

 **chairman of WEED** : ‘baek, i- I can’t b playing games anymore. My grandmother is sick and I take care of her after school’

 **chairman of WEED** : oh my heart

 **chairman of WEED** : ‘y didn’t u tell me, soo. I would’ve understood. And u know the gang would all help’

 **MoonJyun** : IM NOT CYRING BUT MY BOYS GREW UP

 **chairman of WEED** : ‘I know u guis would but this is my family, I should be able to handle it myself’

 **chairman of WEED** : baek is forcing him in a hug omg

 **chairman of WEED** : ‘hey, we are family too and just bc u need help doen’t maek u any lessstronger’

 **chairman of WEED** : my eayes areblurdfy icant t ype no more

 **MoonJyun** : this is actually beautiful

 

 

5:43

_2 new messages!_

[Members of WEED: 8 members]

 _president of WEED_ added _chairman of WEED, seahoon, long ass bitch, Bakedzitao, chanrolling, JDrizzle_

 _president of WEED_ added _jongnog_

 **president of WEED** : hello my fellow friends and subjects

 **president of WEED** : I would like to review what we did for our meeting so others who were not present know what occurred

 **jongnog** : I was the only one not there

 **JDrizzle** : LET ME REVIEW

 **president of WEED** : my brother jongdae, please enlighten us

 **JDrizzle** : we argued about have a vice president bc some1 thought they would be overthrown if we had one

 **president of WEED** : I would rather this club disperse when I die than have it live on in my honor

 **president of WEED** : y’all don’t deserve that luxury of trying to forget my presence

 **president of WEED** : I want u to cry everyday

 **jongnog** : …

 **JDrizzle** : and I played a video game with twiddle dee and twiddle dumb looked at shoes for yifan to secretly buy them

 **long ass bitch** : what]

 **seahoon** : dammit jongdae u weren’t supposed to say anything

 **Bakedzitao** : y am I the dumb one

 **JDrizzle** ; lmao u outted urself on that one

 **president of WEED** : AKJHFH this is y u are the dumb 1

 **Bakedzitao** : I will literally house kick u into yesterday

 **long ass bitch** : I’m not buying you anything

 **JDrizzle** : and yifan and chanyeol drew genetalia on the board

 **jongnog** : you did absolutely nothing

 **president of WEED** : WE triED to do smth and that’s what this club is about

 **jongnog** : i’ve made a mistake

 **JDrizzle** : too late now bitch u are stuck with the rest of us

 

 

[DicksbytheDozen: 12 members]

 **president of WEED** : I have a qestiong for u guis

 **seahoon** : who th fuck changed the gc name

 **Papi_Seok** : my bet is on luhan

 **Papi_Seok** : he’s been quiet today. That’s never a good sign

 **flute master** : excuse u, i can be a peaceful human being

 **president of WEED** : if this was like groundhog day the movie and you had to repeat the same day over and over again what would u do?

 **MoonJyun** : i would spy on everyone and see what bitches are talking about me behind my back

 **flute master** : i would have minseok fall in love with me

 **Papi_Seok** : that wouldn’t happen in a day or either of our lifetimes

 **Papi_Seok** : Joonmyun if they knew u were around they would not talk about u

 **Papi_Seok** : you would get no where

 **kyungsoo** : I’m not doing this

 **president of WEED** : come on, soo

 **chanrolling** : i would pet everyone’s dog

 **JDrizzle** : i would make graffiti art

 **president of WEED** : i would sleep with every1 in this group chat and see who is the best at sex and then i would claim the best dick as mine

 **kyungsoo** : I think that’s enough for today.

 **JDrizzle** : i’m changing mine to baek’s idea. i would like to know who is the best kisser

 **seahoon** : it’s not chanyeol

 **seahoon** : i will expose him now

 **seahoon** : he kissed me on Halloween and it was the most terrifying experience

 **chanrolling** : I was pretending to be a dog! ofc its going to be gross and slobbery

 **president of WEED** : i know sehun has the best dick. he sent me his nudes

 **seahoon** : ;)

 **kyungsoo** : this is not appropriate

 **chanrolling** : aw soo, don’t feel inferior! i’m sure you’re good at smth

 **JDrizzle** : ‘good at smth’’’ lmao yeol don’t give our boy hopes

 **MoonJyun** : I haven’t done it, but I’m sure soo is a good kisser

 **jongnog** : ^^^^ i agree, soo has the best lips out of everyone

 **president of WEED** : i bet soo’s lips are still virgin

 **president of WEED** : virgin lips are not 10/10 recommeded for a quality make out sesh

 **kyungsoo** : who says my lips are virgin?

 **Papi_Seok** : I can clarify Soo’s lips are not virgin.

 **flute master** : you’ve kissed him!?

 **Papi_Seok** : no, but i do know he has kissed someone before bc i’ve seen it

 **seahoon** : …

 **seahoon** : was it someone in this group chat?

 **long ass bitch** : xing’s phone isn’t working but he wanted me to tell you that yes it was someone in this gc

 **president of WEED** : okay spill u snakes

 **president of WEED** : who kissed my pure child

 **kyungsoo** : don’t refer to me as your child. and i am not ‘pure’

 **kyungsoo** : You aren’t going to find out who it is.

 **president of WEED** : watch me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why this took forever for me to upload, idk,,,but i'm sorry and i hope you've enjoyed


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flute master: new day, no dollar, and minseok still won’t respond to me
> 
> Papi_Seok: you stole my underwear
> 
> flute master: ISAID IM BARROWING IT

8:47

[Bagles: 4 members]

 **bebehyun** : i need to know who soo kissed

 **jongD** : *sigh*

 **jongD** : it’s not that big of a deal

 **jongD** : we’ve all kissed some1

 **bebehyun** : soo and i are best friends!!! we should know everything about each other!!!

 **chanyodel** : correction: i am soo’s best friend

 **rapunzel** : why am i in this group?

 **bebehyun** : we’d thought u’d like to join our secret-secret gc

 **rapunzel** : why twice?

 **bebehyun** : bc we already have another not so secret but secret gc that u are not in

 **rapunzel** : okay…

 **rapunzel** : look just ask soo if u are so concerned about his virginity

 **jongD** : seriously b, idk why u are so concerned

 **bebehyun** : is it bc you all know who it is and u just want to leave me in the dark?

 **chanyodel** : no, it’s because we really don’t think it’s a big deal

 **bebehyun** : u guis are useless and i am kicking sehun out

 _rapunzel_ left the chat.

 

[Private chat: bebehyun]

 **jongD** : is all your fussing about soo’s lip virginity and stuff just a result of u not having your first kiss yet?

 **bebehyun** : PUH WHAT

 **bebehyun** : who told u I haven’t had my first kiss yet?

 **bebehyun** : i totally have

 **jongD** : u did

 **jongD** : do u forget i’ve known u the longest

 **jongD** : u would have told me the second it happened

 **bebehyun** : okay so maybe i haven’t but i literally can’t b the only one

 **jongD** : what do u expect we are all close to being adults, most of us have dated people

 **bebehyun** : …

 **bebehyun** : u right

 **bebehyun** : so u want to kiss me?

 **jongD** : i love u man, but no

 **bebehyun** : why not?

 **jongD** : ur first kiss shouldn’t b bc u begged for it but bc it is in the moment

 **bebehyun** : didn’t know u were such a romantic

 **jongD** : what can I say,,,I’m a charmer

 **bebehyun** : I think I threw up a little bit

 

 

[Private chat: kyungsoo]

 **bebehyun** : so who was it

 **bebehyun** : tell me who your first kiss is

 **bebehyun** : as you life coach I deserve to know

 **bebehyun** : soo

 **bebehyun** : kyungsoo

 **bebehyun** : tell me

 **bebehyun** : I know u can see this u ashole

 **bebehyun** : asshole

 **bebehyun** : pls tell me, I love u

 **bebehyun** : T

 **bebehyun** : E

 **bebehyun** : L

 **bebehyun** : L

 **bebehyun** : M

 **bebehyun** : E

 **bebehyun** : W

 **bebehyun** : H

 **kyungsoo** : if you don’t stop spamming me rn I will punch you in the throat as soon as I see you first thing in the morning

 **bebehyun** : HI SOO!!! TELL ME WHO YOU KISSED

 **kyungsoo** : it’s not that big of a deal

 **kyungsoo** : why is it such a big deal to you

 

 **kyungsoo** : so now you leave me on read?

 **kyungsoo** : hypocrite

 

 **bebehyun** : SORRY!!! TT

 **bebehyun** : took a shower

 **bebehyun** : I think as bffs we should know this about each other

 **kyungsoo** : so you will tell me who your first kiss is

 **bebehyun** : what

 **kyungsoo** : eye for an eye

 **bebehyun** : this is not the Taliban

 **bebehyun** : heh, you already know who I kissed

 **kyungsoo** : I’ve never heard you say anything

 **kyungsoo** : knowing you, you would have

 **bebehyun** : HEY

 **bebehyun** : ur not wrong

 **kyungsoo** : have you even kissed someone

 **bebehyun** : YES OFC

 **bebehyun** : IM HOT

 **bebehyun** : AND DESIRABLE

 **bebehyun** : MEN AND WOMEN LOVE ME

 **kyungsoo** : I never said you weren’t

 **bebehyun** : …

 

[Private chat: bebehyun]

 **bebehyun** : OMADJFH

 **jongD** : what did you do this time

 **bebehyun** : so I was interrogating soo about his first kiss

 **bebehyun** : and I might have told him I already had my first kiss

 **jongD** : WHAVT

 **jongD** : LMAOOOO the kiss from when you were 3 doesn’t count

 **bebehyun** : I can lie and make into an adult version

 **jongD** : BIIITCH that won’t pass

 **jongD** : just tell him the truth

 **jongD** : nothing shameful. What will be shameful is when he finds out you lied

 **bebehyun** : he won’t ever know

 **bebehyun** : ALSO

 **bebehyun** : he implied I was hot so AASKLFKS

 **jongD** : go suck his dick

 **bebehyun** : why would I do that???

 **jongD** : you are an idiot

 **bebehyun** : :(

 

[Private chat: rapunzel]

 **rapunzel** : so my old sugar daddi just contacted me

 **bakedzitao** : oooo what did he want

 **rapunzel** : me

 **rapunzel** : then I said no bc I need someone with more money in his account

 **bakedzitao** : gtfo u did not ahahah

 **rapunzel** : he only fucked decently too

 **rapunzel** : nothing worth holding on to

 **rapunzel** : anyways how is your search

 **bakedzitao** : I got yifan to take me to the movies, now I just have to convince him to pay

 **rapunzel** : if he a daddi he shouldn’t have to be convinced

 **bakedzitao** : he’s oblivious of his own sexuality. I am here to guide him on his journey of self-discovery of being a sugar daddy, more specifically, my sugar daddy

 **rapunzel** : u swindler u

 **bakedzitao** : who knows sehunnie~

 **bakedzitao** : it could be love

 **rapunzel** : righhhttt, love

 **bakedzitao** : just because you don’t have time for love doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t

 

 

[DicksbytheDozen: 12 members]

 **flute** **master** : new day, no dollar, and minseok still won’t respond to me

 **Papi_Seok** : you stole my underwear

 **flute master** : ISAID IM BARROWING IT

 **MoonJyun** : that’s unhygienic

 **rapunzel** : I though t you guys broke up

 **Papi_Seok** : we never dated

 **flute master** : we are still dating

 **Papi_Seok** : No.

 **bebehyun** : ooo a period, he means business

 **Papi_Seok** : if I was to date anyone in the gc it would be Joonmyun

 **jongD** : HEY

 **MoonJyun** : thanks :)

 **Papi_Seok** : or jongdae

 **jongD** : always an afterthought to you

 **bebehyun** : don’t be bitter

 **bebehyun** : no one in the gc is worth our lord and savior kim minseok

 **flute master** : yeah, if you are worshipping LUCIFER

 **Papi_Seok** : I hope you dick shrivels up like a grape

 **bakedzitao** : U can’t do nothing with a grape penis

 **jongD** : Sounds like you would know ;)

 **bakedzitao** : U WANNA TRY ME BITCH

 **jongnog** : I like how no one asks why he’s ‘barrowing’ underwear

 **Papi_Seok** : very observant of you, this is why you are my favorite after kyungsoo

 **jongnog** : uwu love u

 **bebehyun** : why soo

 **Papi_Seok** : Kyungsoo doesn’t start anything. Unlike you little whiny babies, he finishes things

 **Papi_Seok** : anyways! We had just finished tryouts and showering when Luhan realized he forgot his extra pair, so he took one of mine

 **bakedzitao** : was it clean?

 **MoonJyun** : you don’t barrow other peoples underwear even if it is clean

 **Papi_Seok** : but it wasn’t clean! I had worn it for half the day, then changed into my jockstrap for tryouts

 **flute master** : would you rather have my sensitive dick hanging out??!

 **bakedzitao** : even I, who has no boundaries, realizes that that is just weird

 **Papi_Seok** : I could care less what happens to your dick

 **rapunzel** : I second that

 **MoonJyun** : I third

 **bakedzitao** : Fourth

 **flute master** : I GET IT

 **chanyodel** : but for science, if your dick falls off can we dissect it

 **kyungsoo** : THAT;S IT

 **kyungsoo** : IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS GC FOR ONE DAY

 _kyungsoo_ _leaves the chat.

 **jongD** : I agree.

 **MoonJyun** : I hate you all

 **flute master** : never come near me again Chanyeol

 **bebehyun** : super weird bro

 **chanyodel** : what did I do?

 **chanyodel** adds kyungsoo to chat.

 **chanyodel** : Tell me what I did wrong, Soo

 _kyungsoo_ changed _chanyodel_ ’s name to _penis serial killer_.

 **penis serial killer** : oh

 **penis serial killer** : but science…

 **kyungsoo** : disappointed in the public education failing you in sex ed penis diagrams that literally show cartoon version of the inside of dicks

 **rapunzel** : I heard dicks get hard after they are removed

 **kyungsoo** : so very disappointed

 **long ass bitch** : petition to start a new gc without Chanyeol because I don’t want anything to trace me to a potential killer

 **bebehyun** : I second bc I can’t remove this from my vision

 **yeetxing** : small get together at my house this weekend~ u guis are invited!

 **MoonJyun** : the only good thing in this gc is yixing

 **jongnog** : the cock killer !!!

 **jongnog** : I missed my calling

 **bakedzitao** : I’m sure there is a position open somewhere to name mass killers :)

 **jongnog** : don’t patronize me beauty school dropout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading~

**Author's Note:**

> This is just something for me to practice dialogue and humor. it is not meant for the purpose to offend anyone, it was made with love. Idk which ships I want just yet, so I will leave it blank.


End file.
